jan’s thoughts

Being Human

Sometimes I’m productive, sometimes I’m lazy.

Sometimes I’m full-on, sometimes I’m idle.

Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I’m not.

Sometimes I get it all done, sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes I’m efficient, sometimes I’m not.

Sometimes I need a friend, sometimes I want to be alone.

Sometimes I’m responsible, sometimes a mess.

Sometimes I follow instructions, sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes I’m practical, sometimes I’m a dreamer.

Sometimes I need a good book, sometimes I listen to music for hours or binge TV.

Sometimes I leave early, sometimes I stay late.

Sometimes everything is easy, sometimes it’s bloody hard.

And you know what, that’s ok. I’m not a machine.

There’s no engine running inside my body. I don’t “switch gears.” I don’t need to “recharge my batteries.” I don’t need to “refuel”:

I have a “full-sized aortic pump,” a heart.

I don’t need to defrag my hard disk or switch off. I don’t need to replenish.

I’ve come to despise mechanical metaphors like these from the bottom of my heart.

Dear valued reader, please allow me this one: sometimes I need to disconnect.

Sometimes I need to free my head, see something else. Make new impressions. Make new friends. Make new memories. Get out of the everyday, change pace and learn something new.

I need to leave home so I can miss it. That’s usually after take-off when I’m already looking forward to being back.

I’m lucky and grateful that I love being at home as much as I like leaving it. Translate my non-binary feelings into code.

There’s no quantifiable baseline for my performance.

There’s no manual, no guide book to being human.

Don’t let others fix your life. Don’t spend money on self-help books, which will only help those who write them.

Think for yourself.

Find your own ideals.

Define your own set of values.

Allow yourself weakness, enjoy feeling strong.

Value your relationships and be forgiving.

Don’t rely on others to decide what’s good for you.

Accept yourself.

Be the master of your own life and always seek what gives you freedom.